Believe!

Believe!

Today’s theme…challenges me. It challenges me because if we take it as an imperative—an order or instruction—I immediately want to know the rationale behind it, and I’m going to be up-front and tell you plainly that I don’t buy answers like Pascal’s Wager. Blaise Pascal suggested that, since the existence of God cannot be proved or disproved through reason, and there is much to be gained from wagering that God exists and little to be gained from wagering that God doesn’t exist, a rational person should simply wager that God exists and live accordingly.

In purely rational terms, Pascal’s Wager is sensible. My problem with it is that it is inherently and essentially selfish; it is about punishment and reward rather than about what is right or wrong, true or false. To believe because the cost of being wrong about belief is less than the cost of being wrong about disbelief is for me incredibly cynical. So I reject Pascal’s Wager as a reason for believing, and move on.

In much of the Christian church, belief is assumed. Those who struggle with belief—those who have questions, who doubt, who wonder—are often condemned or labeled “weak in faith.” Those who question the tenets of the faith are often made unwelcome. Belief is the price of inclusion. Skeptics are generally encouraged, gently or not-so-gently, to find somewhere else to indulge their skepticism.

I struggle with belief. I am rational, skeptical, demanding. Of all the disciples, I empathize most with Thomas, who wanted evidence before he would believe. Doubting Thomas is my guy…and Jesus didn’t condemn him for his skepticism, so why does the church today condemn skeptics and doubters?

John 20:19-31

¹⁹When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” ²⁰After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. ²¹Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” ²²When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” ²⁴But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. ²⁵So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

²⁶A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” ²⁷Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” ²⁸Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” ²⁹Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” ³⁰Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. ³¹But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

When Thomas, one of Christ’s disciples, one of the apostles, needed more evidence, Jesus did not condemn him, but provided the evidence he needed. Sure, Jesus told Thomas that those who believe without seeing are blessed, but he did not withhold his blessing from Thomas. And it pays to remember that the other disciples weren’t so strong in faith before they saw; they were behind locked doors, hiding in fear from the Jews they believed would come to them. After the crucifixion, they had their own doubts about what was next.

Yet here we are, with the theme “Believe!” What are we to do with it?

Sometimes I am like the father of the possessed boy described in Mark 9, who when Jesus says, “All things can be done for the one who believes,” answers with “I believe; help my unbelief!” Sometimes, despite the testimony of my heart and the experiences I’ve been granted, all I can do is want to believe. Sometimes all I can do is cry out, “Help my unbelief!”

I don’t think God condemns me for those moments. I am human, heir to all that flesh is heir to, and God knows me crown to toe. On the contrary, I believe that God bears with me, always present, always ready to answer my doubts. I dispute the meme making the rounds recently on Facebook, the one that reads: “When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during the test.”

I don’t think life is a test. In John 10, Jesus says, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” In the Restoration we hear that ‘Man is that he might have joy, and have it more abundantly.’ That doesn’t sound like the kind of test one sits in school, where there are right and wrong answers, and a low mark means a failing grade. I take Jesus at his word…he came that we may have abundant life!

That pesky theme…

When Jesus was crucified, the disciples were thrown into disarray. What they thought the Messiah would do—what they believed the Messiah would do—didn’t happen at all. In less than one week they went from the triumphal entry we celebrated on Palm Sunday to the stark reality of the cross. The cross didn’t seem like triumph to them; rather, it seemed like defeat. They couldn’t imagine the truth of the situation—that Jesus would return from his rightful place in the heavens to meet them in their fear and doubt and give them reason to believe and trust his promises. He comes back to those he loves, again and again and again.

That may just be the most important lesson of the resurrection. Jesus didn’t just come once, and after that left it up to us mortals to find our way to him; rather, he comes again and again and again, to lift us up when we fall, to show himself to us when we doubt, to goad us when we go astray, to walk with us when we are lonely. Jesus keeps coming back.

So although I sometimes struggle to believe—sometimes I can do no more than cry out for help in the midst of unbelief—my faith is restored again and again and again. Jesus comes to me in my unbelief, to lift me when I fall, to show himself when I doubt, to goad me when I forget my calling, to walk with me when I am lonely. He has not forsaken me.

That is my testimony. God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten son, who loves the world so much that he does not leave it to its own devices. And Christ’s example is my answer to Pascal’s Wager…Let me do what is right to the best of my ability not in hope of reward or fear of punishment, but out of love, because it is right, because it was done for me and I want to pay it forward, counting it all joy.

This I believe…that we are called to righteousness rather than self-righteousness; that we are called to mercy more than judgment; that we are called to be agents of grace in a world that desperately needs grace…

My eye is not on the “prize” of heavenly reward but on a much greater prize; the fruits of right action. For if I feed the hungry because it is right, and clothe the naked because it is right, and heal the sick because it is right, and visit the prisoner because it is right, then I am doing the best I can. Let me do justice and love kindness and walk humbly with my God and that is enough.

And as for belief…some days I have it, and some days I “fake it ’til I make it.” But so far I’ve always found my way back…or maybe it has found me.

Believe!